I’m not sure if anger, frustration or deep anguish best articulates (or even captures) my thoughts right now. How did this happen? How did it come to this point? How did it happen without someone stepping up and saying something? But then again, maybe someone did. Maybe someone did step up but no one listened. I really don’t care about who did what, or who did it first, or who did it worst. What I am focused on is the flagrant pride displayed in the lack of unity. If someone was sinning then why wasn’t it addressed? If no one was sinning then why did it come to this?
At what obscure point did everyone decide that this fissure was inevitable and worse yet acceptable? Why were there no tears? Why were there no confessions of sin? Who decided to keep doing business as usual instead living out the Gospel? If you are currently putting the blame on someone else, you are sinning. If you are refusing to accept responsibility, you are sinning. This wrong can only be resolved through personal and corporate confession and repentance.
Where do we go from here guys? Do you realize that this is doing no kingdom good? Do you realize that we cannot not resolve this without extensive humility on all sides? I was going to address this situation in person but you wouldn’t let me. Instead you each made decisions that are forever irretrievable (but not irreparable).
I fear I taught all of you too much of my own pride. I fear I was better at teaching you John than I was at teaching you Jesus. I am warning you all now, before you can ever serve at full capacity (ever again) forgiveness will have to be requested and given. You will be able to serve but not without an unnecessary limp. There are still relationships that I have damaged that I am unsure whether I will ever be able to have trust from certain old friends ever again. I mourn this loss. I do not rejoice.
You might think it’s too late, but I plead with each of you, please don’t do this. Please don’t neglect the unity of the body for the sake of being right. Isn’t it better to suffer wrongly than to be right?
I love each of you.
John Carter (a stupid arrogant jerk)