Reevaluating Divorce and Remarriage: A Pastoral Perspective

John Carter | Started in 2025 (Updated 9/24/2026)

This paper reflects a significant change in my position on divorce and remarriage, which I previously and formally held from ~2013 to 2025. My doctrine did not change much on divorce, but it changed significantly on remarriage.

At this time, I have no intention of removing my previous sermons on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Doing so would require not only removing specific sermons from my series through Matthew, but also editing many comments in other sermons. Therefore, I leave my sermons intact and available, knowing that the word did not change; my doctrinal position did. However, my changes warrant an explanation. I do not have the skill or desire to write a robust document, but the circumstances require me to write something of substance. The position outlined here is meant to be brief. Therefore, it focuses primarily on my position and its application, not on my exegesis of relevant texts.

It was easier to hold my previous position when I was neither a pastor nor someone with the legal authority to officiate marriages. In the years since being granted the legal authority to officiate a marriage, as well as being a pastor where I give biblical counsel, my position has been challenged by some god-fearing Christians. My position has also been challenged by some flesh-driven Christians, too. In one particular case, my previous position helped to prevent a good friend from making a devastating decision. He later married an excellent woman (wife).

Outside the Bible, I can point to the third volume of Charles Hodge’s Systematic Theology as the strongest challenge and consequent change to my previous position. Most precisely, it was when Hodge argued that at least in the Old Testament, the offended party of adultery would have the freedom to remarry because the adulterer would have faced the death penalty. This means that in my previous position, I was holding a Christian to a standard that not even the Old Testament holds. Further still, was Hodge’s distinction between the cause and the effect of sin in the divorce. Hodge says, “The question is not what these crimes [sexual immorality and abandonment] deserve, but what are their legitimate effects, according to the Scriptures, on the marriage relation” (397).

The difficulty of writing out my thoughts became evident when I wrote the exceptions and what-if scenarios. Almost every simple statement I considered was often met with a new or unique scenario. So I begin my position like this: marriage is a privilege, not a right. No man or woman is owed a marriage, nor is God in sin for withholding marriage. With this starting point, the remainder of this paper will address nine topics. These topics are:

My 2015 Position On Marriage and Remarriage
My 2026 Position On Marriage and Remarriage
My Presuppositions
Recommended Readings
Lawful Marriage and Its Governance
Dissolving a Marriage
Remarriage
Questions and Answers
Notable Quotes

I. My 2015 Position On Marriage and Remarriage

From ~2013 through 2025, I held the following position regarding who I would and would not marry. The differences are in bold font.

I will not marry a couple where either person is:

currently and/or actively involved in sexual sin
currently and/or actively involved in illegal activities
a divorcee with the ex-spouse still alive
withholding information (past sin, history, or current information)
unequally yoked

I will marry a couple

that is a male and female in a monogamous relationship
that is reuniting after divorce
after I have met with the engaged couple at least three times for pre-marital counseling

II. My 2026 Position On Marriage and Remarriage

Beginning in 2025 and now formally, I hold the following position regarding who I will and will not marry. The differences are in bold font.

I will not marry a couple where either person is

currently and/or actively involved in sexual sin.
currently and/or actively involved in illegal activities.
withholding information (past sin, history, or current information).
In unrepentant sin.
If divorced, unable to identify or articulate personal sin in the previous marriage.
Unequally yoked: believer/unbeliever, or life circumstances.

I am willing to marry a couple

That is a male and female in a monogamous relationship.
That is reuniting after divorce.
After I have met with the couple at least three times for pre-marital counseling and determined that this is a marriage that will honor God and all interested parties (church, parents/guardians, family, etc.).

III. My Presuppositions

I already mentioned the first presupposition listed here again. However, I operate with at least three other presuppositions.

Marriage is not a right. It is not a duty owed.
Marriage is a privilege. The privilege can be lost.
A pastor is not obligated to officiate for any couple.
A pastor is free to choose who he will and will not officiate for, so long as the marriage is valid and lawful in the sight of God.

IV. Recommended Readings

Earlier, I mentioned that this paper is not an outline of my exegesis but of my position. For exegesis research, I recommend the following works. I have found each of these works edifying and challenging.

Divorce and Remarriage: A Position Paper by John Piper[1]
Grace and Remarriage: A Grace Community Church Distinctive by John MacArthur and the Elders of Grace Community Church[2]
God, Marriage, and Family (Second Edition): Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation by Andreas J. Köstenberger, David W. Jones
Marriage and the Family: Biblical Essentials by Andreas J. Köstenberger, David W. Jones
Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible by Jay E. Adams
Of Domesticall Duties by William Gouge[3]
The Seventh Commandment, found in the third volume of Systematic Theology[4] by Charles Hodge

V. Lawful Marriage and Its Governance

In this section, I aim to define marriage. Specifically, what makes it lawful and how it is to be governed in accord with Scripture.

A lawful marriage accords with God’s law (moral, natural, revealed).
1. Marriage is a divinely created institution which joins one man and one woman into one flesh to reflect the Christ (bridegroom) and the Church (bride).
1. Therefore, God has the final say on what marriage is and is not.
1. Whereas civil contracts bind the duties of two or more parties, marriage binds the whole of both persons together.
The institution of marriage is to be rightly governed by the State (local magistrate).
1. A lawful marriage, as defined by man, must accord with God’s definition of a lawful marriage, just as theft and murder must accord with God’s definition. So, although a State may set a reasonable marriage age, it cannot lawfully redefine who may marry.
1. The government is responsible for the recording and preserving of marital agreements. Because the State is mandated to uphold the law, it must also uphold the rule of law for marriages.
1. The government may provide varying circumstances that do not contradict God’s word, such as age, filing procedures, authorized officiants, or other similar matters.
The institution of marriage is built up through the preaching of the Gospel along with the entire counsel of God by the Church.
1. The Church is responsible for calling the State and the Family to uphold biblical ideals of marriage. Each sphere (Church, Family, and State) has a role to play and must not overstep its appointed boundary.
  1. The Church is responsible for teaching the right use and end of marriage, but it cannot legally enforce it with the sword. However, it can still exercise Church Discipline when relevant.
  1. The State oversees the lawful enforcement of marriage. This includes oversight of marriage among Christians and non-Christians, certification of lawful marriages, and overseeing the dissolution of marriage.
  1. The Family alone is the sphere to which marriage belongs intimately, for a man and a wife create a new family. In relationship to the State, the Family is obligated to promote a healthy society. In relationship to the Church, the Family is obligated to promote healthy religion.
1. The Church can only enforce the biblical standards of marriage upon Christians, specifically within each fellowship. Still, it should work in concert with other churches to encourage the right and godly enforcement of a biblical standard of marriage.
1. My confession, the 1689 Second London Baptist Confession, which is also my church’s confession, speaks to the limits of when church discipline would be enforced regarding divorce and remarriage. Specifically, our confession does not speak precisely to remarriage because it allows considerable freedom under the liberty of conscience. In this context, unrepentant sin would be the primary focus of the discussion.
1. Even as servants of the State, Pastors cannot be compelled to and are not obligated to officiate a marriage. That does not mean a pastor has immunity to act as he wills. A church would be right to remove a pastor who unlawfully restricts or officiates marriage.
1. Although Christians cannot compel unbelievers to abide by the Law of Christ, Christians are called to declare the law of Christ through the preaching of the Gospel. Through conversion and regeneration, marriage will be held in high honor. But it is through the State that marriage will be protected from various abuses.

VI. Dissolving a Marriage

A marriage can be lawfully dissolved.
Death is God’s ordained means to dissolve a marriage lawfully and righteously.
A marriage can also be dissolved by means of divorce. However, this is only as a result of sin by one or both parties. I have not changed in this position; the moment divorce has been enacted, all future marriages are going to feel the effects of the sin that led to the divorce. It is much like original sin in that the effects are strong and far-reaching.
Divorce is ordinarily an unlawful dissolution of a marriage.
1. Because an illegitimate marriage is unlawful, the dissolution of an unlawful marriage is lawful (pedophilia, incest, homosexuality, etc.).
1. Illegitimate marriages may be legally valid in the eyes of the State and may therefore require a legal divorce. Nevertheless, because the marriage was not lawful in the first place, the divorce is a righteous end to an unrighteous marriage. It would be like reversing the gender change on a legal document after it was erroneously changed in the first place. The first change was evil, not the second; that is the reversal. This is sometimes called an annulment.
Apart from death, both parties do not need to be in sin for the marriage to be dissolved. Still, a marriage can never be dissolved without sin being present (sexual immorality, abandonment, etc.).
1. Irreconcilable differences is a sinful and unlawful reason to be divorced. Because person A can divorce person B for irreconcilable differences, this may be considered abandonment by the individual suing for divorce.
1. Sexual Immorality is the offending party’s immoral means of permitting the end of a marriage.
  1. Although permitted to divorce, this is not a righteous dissolution of the marriage.
  1. Because divorce is a real dissolution of a marriage, the offended party has the greater freedom to divorce and remarry.
1. Abandonment is the offending party’s immoral means of permitting the end of a marriage.
  1. Although permitted to divorce, this is not a righteous dissolution of the marriage.
  1. Because divorce is a real dissolution of a marriage, the offended party has the greater freedom to divorce and remarry.
  1. “That desertion is a legitimate ground of divorce, was therefore, as before mentioned, the doctrine held by the Reformers, Luther, Calvin, and Zwingli, and almost without exception by all the Protestant churches” (Charles Hodge ST3_p397).
An offended party of adultery or abandonment is not required to pursue divorce or remarriage.

VII. Remarriage[5]

I previously held that a divorce is not a real dissolution of a marriage. I now affirm that, although divorce is an unrighteous dissolution of a marriage, divorce truly dissolves the marriage bond. Therefore, remarriage might be permissible.

Remarriage may be permissible after divorce, but may not necessarily be formed under righteous circumstances.
Even under unrighteous circumstances, any lawful marriage after a divorce is still a real marriage. A man who divorces his wife to marry the woman he committed adultery with is truly married.

VIII. Questions and Answers

Q: I’m divorced. What should I do?
A: Wisdom, not a command:
1. Pursue reconciliation.
1. Pray for reconciliation.
1. Seek the support of your church leaders in providing for your needs.
Q: Is divorce “okay”?
A: Divorce is never “okay” as it always indicates the presence of sin.
Q: I’m divorced, can I get remarried?
A: The better question is not “can,” but “should.”
Q: Would you officiate my wedding ceremony?
A: Maybe.
Q: Why, “maybe?”
A: Even for two people who have never been married, I would only officiate if I am convinced that the two parties are doing so in a God-honoring fashion.
Q: Under what ordinary circumstances would you officiate a wedding ceremony?
A: Never married, reasonable relationship (age, personalities, life circumstances, maturity, etc.), both are believers, and biblical views and goals for marriage.
Q: Under what general circumstances would you officiate a wedding ceremony when remarriage is involved?
            A1: When the previous spouse is dead.
            A2: With caution, prayer, counsel from my fellow Elders, and full disclosure from                       the divorced person, I would possibly officiate. In most circumstances,
                        I’m going to want to talk to your previous spouse.
Q*: Let me ask you, why do you want to get married?
A: The answer I’m looking for is, because the person I want to marry will benefit spiritually by being married to me.

IX. Notable Quotes by Charles Hodge

“The simple meaning of these passages seems to be, that marriage is a permanent compact, which cannot be dissolved at the will of either of the parties. If, therefore, a man arbitrarily puts away his wife and marries another, he commits adultery. If he repudiates her on just grounds and marries another, he commits no offence. Our Lord makes the guilt of marrying after separation to depend on the ground of the separation” (Charles Hodge ST3_p392).
“The compact may, however, be dissolved, although by no legitimate act of man. It is dissolved by death. It is dissolved by adultery; and as Protestants teach, by wilful desertion” (Charles Hodge ST3_p394).
“The Apostle thus impliedly recognizes the principle that there may be causes which justify a woman’s leaving her husband, which do not justify a dissolution of the marriage bond” (Charles Hodge ST3_p395).
“With regard to those cases in which one of the parties was a Christian and the other an unbeliever, he teaches, first, that such marriages are lawful, and, therefore, ought not to be dissolved. But, secondly, that if the unbelieving partner depart, i.e., repudiates the marriage, the believing partner is not bound; i.e., is no longer bound by the marriage compact. This seems to be the plain meaning. If the unbelieving partner is willing to continue in the marriage relation, the believing party is bound; bound, that is, to be faithful to the marriage compact. If the unbeliever is not willing to remain, the believer in that case is not bound; i.e., bound by the marriage compact. In other words, the marriage is thereby dissolved. This passage is parallel to Romans vii. 2. The Apostle there says, a wife “is bound by the law to her husband, so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.” So here he says, ‘A wife is bound to her husband if he is willing to remain with her; but if he deserts her, she is free from him.’ That is, wilful desertion annuls the marriage bond. This desertion, however, must be deliberate and final. This is implied in the whole context. The case contemplated is where the unbelieving husband refuses any longer to regard his believing partner as his wife” (Charles Hodge ST3_p395).
“Under the OT, divorce on the ground of adultery, was out of the question, because adultery was punished by death. And, therefore, it was only when Christ was laying down the law of his own kingdom, under which the death penalty for adultery was to be abolished, that it was necessary to make any reference to that crime”(Charles Hodge ST3_p393).
“The parties are no longer one, in the mysterious sense in which the Bible declares a man and his wife to be one” (Charles Hodge ST3_p394).
“As the Church and its officers are under the highest obligations to obey the law of Christ, it follows that where the action of the state conflicts with that law, such action must be disregarded. If a person be divorced on other than Scriptural grounds and marries again, such person cannot consistently be received to the fellowship of the Church. If a minister be called upon to solemnize the marriage of a person improperly divorced, he cannot, in consistency with his allegiance to Christ, perform the service. This conflict between the civil and divine law is a great evil, and has often, especially in Prussia, given rise to great difficulty” (Charles Hodge ST3_p406).

In Conclusion

As a final word on the matter, a church that is not willing to rightly exercise church discipline in any case over divorce, adultery, or other destructive elements has already lost the battle. As it relates to the judgment of sin, the wages of sin (any sin, even the smallest sin) is death (Rom. 6:23). As it relates to the consequences of sin, not all are equal. In general, some sins have temporary consequences, while others are lifelong, and some consequences are eternal. Hitting a sibling may result in a spanking. This is a temporary consequence of sin. Robbing a bank may result in a lifelong jail sentence. This is a lifelong consequence of sin. Or, a man may reject the gospel every day of his life and blaspheme the Holy Spirit; he will consequently spend all eternity in torment. This is an eternal consequence of sin. Participants in divorce and/or remarriage will each experience varying degrees of lifelong consequences of sin involved in these circumstances. Because these scenarios are endless, the local church is best suited to adjudicate each circumstance and its consequences. So long as the Word of God is the final authority and not cultural preference.

[1] https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/divorce-and-remarriage-a-position-paper

[2] https://www.gty.org/articles/DD04/divorce-and-remarriage

[3] Of Domesticall Duties by William Gouge, available in a modern reprint by Reformation Heritage Books entitled Building a Godly Home.

[4] This can be read online, which is available digitally at https://musicatheologica.com/2026/05/13/the-seventh-commandment-on-celibacy-marriage-and-divorce/.

[5] A lack of the gift of celibacy (chastity) was ignored by Monks and Nun with great ill effect. This must also be considered in the circumstances for one who was unrighteously divorced yet still desire marriage for the control of his own body.